When Tragedy Strikes

Its unwaveringly true that during the onset of a relationship, or when times are good and things seem promising, it's VERY easy to "be there" for your lover. Suppose she lost her job and you offered her a few "survival" bucks. Perhaps she argued with a parent or co-worker and you took her side without question or hesitation. But what happens when tragedy strikes your relationship early on and you can't simply "take her side" and you are now at odds with each other and the woman you thought you'd love forever seems both unreachable and well, bitchy. What happens when love can't seem to save you?

1. Asses the love story

We'll freely admit that we have NO way of telling you how to establish if the lady in your life is "the one" or not, but you will certainly feel it in your gut. Diane Von Furtenburg famously said, "Absence is to Love as Wind is to Fire." If you are apart from your lady and the feeling of love grows, she might very well be "the one." If not? Perhaps you need to quickly move on.

2.EDUCATE YOURSELF

If you haven't decided that she's worth the trouble MOVE ON and read the wonderful article below about our coveted Jonathan Edwards. If you do want our advice, listen closely: Break down the issue. Was it an event? An argument? A lifestyle difference? Perhaps she and your friends cannot get along (at all)? In the most chaotic situations, all of the above might ring true. Regardless of the issue that's particular to your narrative, cut it up into chunks. You might even want to make a timeline of sorts. After all, if she IS "the one" there is NOTHING you wont do to save the relationship, right? Well, as said, put pen to paper and start scribbling (when you do re-enter her life you can come equipped with this and other goodies as a "forgive me" package and your efforts towards "understanding her" will NOT go un-praised.)

After you have written down the major points (or created a timeline of sorts), if there is something BLAZING before you (like the day you watched her turn from sweet and attentive to MAJOR BITCH), try to spot your role - if any - and see if you could have done anything more or anything differently. As we once suggested, ownership is a MUST in all relationships. The more you own up, the longer you'll last.

If you see something like "abortion" or "car crash" or anything physical, GOOGLE HER SYMPTOMS, CALL A DR or HIT THE LIBRARY. Personal tragedy can be an out-of-body-experience for men and women alike and the result can be the end of an otherwise happy relationship. Google will offer you comfort and understanding, as you might notice that her currently aggressive nature is actually unrelated to you in many ways and offering an educated, thoughtful shoulder to cry on will make you all the more manly in her eyes.

3. Reach Out

Women are natural survivors. In many an African Tribe, the women are left not only to mind the home but hunt game as well. The same is true for women on the Main Land. We can and WILL do it "all" for the right person. If you show up and stay present we'll hear you out and perhaps even accept an apology (especially if you bring evidence of back thought and preparation). Note: If you really messed things up and walked out on her when she needed you most, you might not ever get the response you're looking for unless you take drastic measures and show up on her doorstep with love in your eyes and a board game in hand. If this is your story and you're looking for a way back, think about what she needed from you most when you initially gave up. Does she want more of your time? Then go to her. Does she want you to be more open? Tell her your most sacred secrets... And the list goes on. If you were drunk with selfishness when you left her, its imperative that you "get right" and let her know you are NOT the coward you proved to be and truly do value her respect and love.

4. Communicate

Now, as we said when we offered you our "board game" solution, talking is not always the best way back in. Perhaps you've already said too much and words now get lost in the tense energy swarming the space. Well, make a playlist of songs that articulate the way you feel. Bring a game that addresses your issues. Come to her complete with a list of pre-written questions that you want her to answer or bring answers that you think she might need from you. Being innovative on behalf of love is brilliant. Its a sure fire way to excite and sooth your lost lover at once and re-entry is ONLY possible when your lover has a softened heart. If you are dealing with an A-typical, complicated woman use your intuition. Study her. Chances are you already know what you need to do. If she chose you, then you are most likely equally as complicated and only you know what will work for her.

5. Don't promise to change overnight

There is nothing more silly than promising things will change immediately. Healing a relationship is dependent on getting to know each other again, and it takes time. If you fear that you can't or wont change DO NOT GO BACK. But, if you have faith in your love and your desire to compromise is awake and thriving then gently establish the fact that you will TRY your HARDEST. This is NOT a time to lie or over-shoot. Simplicity and fundamental truths are the very seeds you need to cultivate this new phase.

Best of Luck,

The Swills