So today was a toss-up. "To post or not to post" this article was a terse ten minute back-and-forth concerning responsible content - but for now, while there is still a very select group of you esteemed emerging gentlemen actually following our "blog" (three to be exact) it was given a "yay" and here we are to offer our thoughts.
Scene: We were shopping on Prince, getting an idea of what made it off the runway and into our favorite NYC shops when two young men strode in and immediately struck up a conversation about waiting on their "licenses" to clear so they could finally purchase their guns. They were hot with anticipation and bothered by the wait. They were eager in their speech and fidgety with their hands. Not the type of kids you want operating heavy machinery on the street this (economically destitute) summer, is it? Hell no.
Note: the two young men were white and wearing fitted caps to the side. We wanted to highlight that...
Guns are damn amazing. The craftsmanship, the power they wield, the decisive moment they present... the light bouncing off the shaft... They are amazing. However, as T.I readies himself to take full responsibility for his war-zone car-trunk fiasco, we bring you this:
RESPONSIBILITY.
Owning a gun requires you to implement the lost art of restraint. Its like bringing home a g-sting clad woman, sitting her down on your couch and then being forced to make polite conversation when all you really want to do is remove her nipple covers and fuck. As aggressive as that might sound its unabashedly true.
Owning a gun should be looked on as an art all its own. A responsibility greater than having a child and an undertaking far more complex than understanding Niche. Owning a gun is literally a life or death situation and we want you to be armed with intellect before you allow your "sunglasses at night" stardom fantasy to become a "T.I" like G.I Joe experience.
1. In New York City you have to wait 6 moths to legally obtain a handgun. That is the exact same time period pre-op transvestites are forced to undergo therapy to ensure they want their new genitalia. Direct correlation? Not a hint, but it serves to show that owning a gun is as serious as snipping off your penis. That alone should make you think.
2. Just because your friend showed you his does NOT mean you should turn around and show him yours. Guns breed tremendous interest and to own one should not be the "hot topic" of conversation. Its not a phallic symbol its a protective measure and nobody needs to know what "your packing."
3. Don't carry it around. Who was that dumb football player who shot himself in the foot recently? Right, him. Take a note from his career suspension and his hospital bill and keep yours home for "ladies night" cocktails.
4. Size matters. Don't play yourself like a fool and arm yourself with rifles that will liken you to a terrorist. Its unnecessary. Period. And while many people might argue all guns are just that, unnecessary, we are addressing the "reality-based" readers who fully understand that to address this issue is not to encourage, but to offer the issue some tailored thought. If T.I had a .9 he would have gotten a pass. Believe us.
5. LIFE IS NOT A WAR.
If you've read this far you are certainly interested in the art of warfare, but we truly want to truly remind you that you NEVER need a gun. Ever. If you do the Army will provide you many an option to shoot responsibly - and then assert they'll pay for college right after. Who knows if the latter is true or not (seen a homeless VET today, Sirs?) the point still stands: join the army and shoot away. If not? Opt out. Nobody likes it when the summer block party is broken up by some asshole with a new gun. Be responsible sirs. We need you around to keep reading our blog.
Cheers,
The Swills.
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