The Side Hustle of Black Market Marriage

A while back our fearless leader Bee was back home visiting a handful of her girlfriends when amid an evening of blunt smoke and Hennessy she learned that one her near and dears was (gasp) married! Now, truth be told crazy behavior has never been lost on their tightly knit group of femme fetals, but a shot gun marriage is certainly rare around these parts... to say the least. So when the facts of this union began to emerge there wasn't enough liquor in the
room to make it seem real. So when Bee sobered up from "Cigars and Henny" night she put pen to paper and begged for details of this black market marriage.

Note: Now, clearly she wants to remain anonymous so for this piece we'll call our blushing bride, "Ivanka" (another vixen with an penchant for matrimonial financial gain...)

The Irregular Swill: "How the hell did his happen? I mean, excuse me for my approach, but really, how did this even happen?"

Ivanka: "The reason I decided to do this a few years ago is that I was desperate and needed money and one of my friends asked me - oh yea, you should know that nearly all of my friends are married.."

IS: " - Um, except me, of course."

I: "Yea. Except you. But I mean, like, all of them are married to Africans."

IS: "Ok..."

I: "But yea. One of them came to me with the proposition. And I thought at the time that it was my only option. So she introduced me to an African looking to get married and pay me some cash."

IS: "How did she find him?"

I: "I really don't know. I mean honestly, her mother's married to an African too - so she's the one who came to my friend about it. But how did she find him? I really dunno."

IS: "Well, what's your husband's name?"

I: "No. No names. Well, lets call him Henry." (giggles)

IS: "What was the initial conversation like?"

I: "I mean, we talked and basically it was all about business. We spoke about the arrangements, what was going to be done. We basically just got to know each other. We spent from about 5pm - 10pm together. Then we met up the next day."

"Ivanka's" roommate enters the room and adds, "And I had to take them places and take pictures of them so they would look married - that was weird." Both women burst into relentless laughter.

IS: "So you went and took photos with him around the city? How many did you take? How many shots did you think would prove your love for each other?"

I: "10- 15 in each place. But we did it again at a friend's house - as if I was cooking dinner, etc. I would change my outfit mad times too."

IS: "How long were you 'dating' before you were 'married'?"

I: "Maybe like three weeks or something."

IS: "What was the "courting" process like?"

I: "We went out to eat - oh yea and we opened a joint bank account. I don't know, we just kicked it really."

IS: "How did the discussion of money come about?"

I: "We discussed it during our first meeting - that was off rip though. I mean, fuck that. I was just like - well, I mean some people get like 25,000 dollars, but I only needed 1,500 so I was like, 'I need 3,500 to do this,' and he agreed."

IS: "And so he just handed it to you?"

I: "He gave me 2 g's at the wedding and then gave me 1,500 later. And when we get a divorce I get 1,500 more as a thank you. But we have to do mad shit together - like file taxes and shit. It sucks, yo."

IS: "lets go back a bit. How did the interview for his green card go?"

I: "well, I don't even know if he got it yet. But we had to go to the immigration office and they asked me questions like, 'whats his mother's name?' and shit. We were denied the first time. That stupid mother fucker never told me his mother had died so when the interview lady asked when I had spoken to her last I said 'last week.' Clearly we didn't pass that time."

IS: "What was the ceremony like?"

I: "I only had one friend there, but he had like three. We just went right to the justice of the peace and we got married. He got me a ring and everything."

IS: "what did the ring look like and what did you wear?"

I: "The ring was some dinky silver band and I had on a dress - not a flowy wedding gown, just a fitted dress and some black heels. The cardigan was a peach color and the dress was black and the heels were black."

IS: "Did any part of you do this for any socially conscious reasons? Did you ever feel like you were helping someone gain access to the life they truly wanted?"

I: "I mean, a part of me yea. Certainly. Part of me thought, well, you know, if he's willing to marry someone to better his life, but really its like, am I even helping? He could be anyone for all I know. A killer. And I honestly wish I never even did it. I was the biggest mistake of my whole life. I hate that I did this shit."

IS: "Why do you regret it so much?"

I: "Because I feel like, damn. Its such a hassle."

IS: "well, I know your current boyfriend is also married to a Ghanaian woman too. Tell me a bit about the moment you discovered that."

I: "My boyfriend and I were chilling the whole day but my husband's sister kept calling to give me money. I wasn't answering my phone because I didn't want my boyfriend to find out I was married. But after a while I just said fuck it and told him. I said, 'yo. I'm married to an African." He asked me if I married him for money and when I said yes he told me that he was married too. I couldn't believe it and told him to call his wife right then and he did it! But he had been in the same situation. He needed money too."

IS: "Damn. And later he told you his mother was married to an African too, no?"

I: "Yea. he said his mother was married. Shit, she's the one who put him on."

IS: "So you would argue that this is a thriving business?"

I: "I think it was at one point. About two or three years ago it was booming. But now immigration has different laws I guess. I mean, it still goes on now though."

IS: "Well, when do you plan to get your divorce?"

I: "Shit, I want to do it now. But honestly I kinda feel stuck. I have to wait on him - but I haven't seen him in over a year so anything could happen. But yea. I regret it. But I needed money. What can you do?"